The Dragon's Lair video game series was one of the biggest ground-breaking franchises of all time.

This blog post is a repost of something that I published in 2010. There are some minor corrections and copy changes.

When I was a 11, my cousin, my brother and I would excuse ourselves after a hearty meal to go "jogging". In reality, we would skip over to the 7-11 to watch my 15 year-old cousin play Dragon's Lair (my brother and I were too young have our own quarters).

If you don't know Dragons Lair, here are some of its vital stats:

  • It was one of the first video games that cost two quarters instead of one to play
  • It was one of the first laser disc based video games
  • It was animated by Don Bluth, creator of "An American Tail", "All Dogs go to Heaven" and "Anastasia".
  • The short animated scenes were saved as tracks on the laser disc
  • User input (limited to up, down, left, right and sword) determined which scene would play next.
  • If you executed an incorrect action, another clip would play, where the main character, Dirk the Daring, dies.
2-XL 8-Track Based Robot
2-XL was a Robot who would ask you Quiz-Style questions and you'd press the track number that corresponds to your answer.

The video game kind of worked like a modern (well...modern for 1983) 2-XL. If you don't remember the 2-XL, it was a trivia "robot" that was based on an 8-Track tape player. The robot would ask you questions with multiple choice answers. When you pressed the button corresponding with the correct/incorrect answer, the player would change tracks and tell you if you were right or not.

Dragon's Lair
In the original Dragon's Lair video game, you played Dirk the Daring, trying to save Princess Daphne from the evil dragon.

My cousin could finish Dragon's Lair with one credit. That made him cooler than shit in my book. He would even die two times on purpose in the last scene to maximize his score (kind of like a cocky batter taking two strikes before hitting a pitch out of the park).

When I was finally old enough to pay for my own video game habit, I saw an old friend with a new face -- Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp.

Dragon's Lair: Time Warp
Dragon's Lair: Time Warp was Don Bluth's 3rd Laser-Disc based video game, and the 2nd video game in the Dragon's Lair franchise.

I used to play it a lot at Ackerman Union at UCLA when I was a freshman. The game is great because the levels are themed and longer. The original game has dozens of short scenes where you would use the joystick or sword 5 or 6 times. Time Warp has 7 long levels where you have to execute dozens of actions.

The evil Mordroc kidnaps Princess Daphne
The evil wizard "Mordroc" kidnaps Princess Daphne and Dirk must once again come to her rescue.

In this game, Princess Daphne is kidnapped my the evil wizard Mordroc. While searching for her, Dirk the Daring runs into Mordroc's brother, who happens to be a time machine. Dirk travels to different times and surreal lands (including through Lewis Carrol's Looking Glass) to destroy Mordroc and reunite himself with the Princess.

I just bought Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp for the PC off of eBay. My first contribution to the blogging world will be the complete dialog (with apologies for minor errors) from the game. Enjoy!

The Princess is kidnapped and your mother-in-law (The Queen?) is not happy.

Level 1: At the castle

Queen: Kidnapped? My Daphne kidnapped again, idiot?
Don't talk!
You'd better find my daughter...or else!
I know you're in here!
I raises a princess who married a frog!
Hold still!
You can run, boy...
You cannot hide!

Scottish snake: Theif!

Time Machine: You must be Dirk, Dirk the Daring
Fetch me a drink from yonder well
Daphne's lost in the halls of time
A prisoner - she's...under a spell.
Hasten, lad, hurry, we'll get her back!
and defeat the foul wizard - my brother in fact.

Scottish snake: Theif!

Queen: Oh, shut up!

Dirk the Daring finds himself in the land before time.

Level 2: The Land Before Time

Mordroc: Aha!
So, dear brother, you bring Dirk here
You curmudgenous clanky piece of junk.
Boil in the mud, you meddling old fool!
Dirk will be helpless once you've been sunk!
Ah ha ha!

Daphne: Save me!

Mordroc: You want Daphne? Ha ha ha...Go get her!

Daphne: My hero!


Time Machine: Get the sword! Hurry, son, hurry!

Mordroc: Daphne's mine! Farewell, you fool! Ha ha ha!

Dirk finds himself through the Looking Glass fighting the Queen of Hearts.

Level 3: Through the Looking Glass

Mordroc: Ha ha!

Time Machine: Quick, boy! Through the glass!

Twiddle Dee: How do you do...

Twiddle Dum: ...good sir knight?

Twiddle Dee: Will you join us...

Twiddle Dum: a fight?

Random Card: Make way for the queen, if you know what I mean! Weeee!

Queen of Hearts: Stop that bouncing!

Random Card: Off with her head! Off with her head!

Queen of Hearts: Assassin!

Mordroc: Princess Daphne is mine, idiot!

Mad Hatter: After that rabbit!

Rabbit: One lump or two?

Mad Hatter: Don't mind if I do! After that rabbit!

Mordroc: Farewell, fool! Ah ha ha!

Cheshire Cat (from Jabberwocky): Twas brillig and the sithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe
all mimsy were the borogroves and the mome raths outgrabe
oh ha see ha ha ha!

Dirk lands in Eden.

Level 4: Eden

Cherub: Go away! No visitors!
Back! St-stop right there!
One more step and you're finished! Oooo!

Eve: Ooo -- yum yum!

Serpent: Hang on, brother, don't eat him!
Dirk here is our ticket to fame and fortune.
Lookie here...I'll get you the princesssssss...
If you bring Eve to me!

Eve: Yoo hoo!

Cherub: Halt!

Eve: Mine mine mine mine mine!

Cherub: Oh no! Oh, dear! Dear! Oh my goodness!

Dirk may have been the muse for Beethoven's Fifth.

Level 5: Beethoven's Fifth

Mordroc: Ha ha! Daphne's mine, you fool! Ha ha!

Time Machine: Dirk the Daring, stay put, ol' chum!
Never fear a creative gust.
For the winds that upward reach
All too soon will downward sink!
Dirk! Over here!

Dirk finds himself in Ancient Egypt.

Level 6: The Great Pyramids

Time Machine: We've found her this time, boy!

Daphne: Dirk...this way!
Dirk, I'm in here!
Hurry please!
It's so dark in here!

Mordroc: Ah ha ha!

Time Machine: Hurry, son, hurry!
Oooo -- it's hot! Oooo -- hot!
Dirk! Dirk! Do something! Oh!

Dirk finally confronts Mordroc.

Level 7: The Grand Finale

Mordroc: Ah ha ha! You fool!
You want Daphne? Ah ha ha! Go get her!

Daphne: Dirk! Dirk!

Dirk: D-Daphne!

Daphne: Dirk -- My hero!

Dirk Jr 1: Mom!

Dirk Jr 2: Dad's Home!

Daphnie: Daphne!

Dirk Jr 3: Look at that!

🧮 Math/Programming/Technology